By Janet Weaver Smith – Copyright 2008 – www.gardenministries.org
What is a Creative Connection?
A relationship that experiences a “creative connection” is when two or more people connect and experience a deep soul link that feels to one degree or another—explosive. And I mean joyfully explosive. The relationship experiences such cohesion that sometimes you might even feel like “you’re in each other’s head.” Without words, you “just get” each other in ways that transcend what you’re used to. Furthermore, the emotional connection makes you feel “so alive” that the powerful feelings compel you to explore and discover the creative depths and heights beyond what you might normally feel compelled to discover in other relationships. The emotional “high” some people feel when a creative connection occurs can become an issue if the true nature and integrity of the relationship is not fully understood and sustained. Thus, it is very important to understand what a creative connection is and what it is not. Colossians 3:12-14, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Can I Make a Creative Connection Happen?
Creative connections are a gift that comes to us through our spirit. We cannot make a creative connection happen and we cannot expect one to “open up” in any particular relationship. Creative connections oftentimes occur randomly and can even happen with people we may not have naturally picked for a friend.
Is a Creative Connection Always Mutual or Can It be One-Sided?
Not all creative connections are two-sided or mutually experienced. Sometimes they are experienced exclusively by one person and are considered a one-sided creative connection. This one-sided affect has unique pros and cons in that the person who has been opened up toward another is generally processing all of their subjective feelings one-on-one with God (and sometimes with a trusted prayer partner or mentor who understands the value of creative connections). The purpose of a one-sided creative connection is to keep the other person, or the “connectee” completely “objective” as they are being “carried” in another person’s opened heart. The person who carries the creative connection learns how to process their “opened-and-subjective” experience alone with God and through this gift of prayerful connecting, develops a greater intimacy, dependence on, and revelation of Jesus. The main creative “product” or outcome of a one-sided creative connection is obtaining greater wisdom and revelation of who Jesus is and the heights and depths of His love.
What is the Purpose of a Creative Connection?
The purpose of a creative connection is usually for a specific time and often results in a more profound creative product or spiritual success than if done alone, for example: actors often experience this when doing a movie together, artist’s often experience this when creating art together, and the same for musicians and writers. In ministry circles, Pastors, Worship Leaders, and Intercessory Prayer people often encounter or experience this. The feelings are deep because the people connecting run “deep.” If the relationship is kept non-romantic, non- physical, and non-sexual, this relationship will maintain a “wild” and “clean” balance, become highly productive, and will likely have tremendous payoff for both, or all people involved.
How Do We Maintain a Wild and Clean Balance When It Feels So Compelling?
When a creative connection comes our way, it often reveals where there are “holes” in our hearts that only God can fill and heal. And because the emotions evoked by this relationship run so deep, we may be tempted to misinterpret the powerful experience as being the answer to the hole in our hearts and is a “love that leads to marriage or intimate permanency of some kind.” Because it feels so good (and we all like feeling good), we are tempted to “get ahead of God” and go too fast in an attempt to capture and define the relationship beyond its intended purpose.
How Do We “Get Ahead of God” and Miss the Mark?
When we “get ahead of God,” we become unable to hear what God is saying about the relationship. And because we are created to enjoy excitement and to be fascinated with God, we may transfer this need to the relationship and get emotionally addicted to the thrill of the connection. Because of this emotional addiction, we close ourselves off from anything that may stop it because we only want God to approve and say what we want to hear about the relationship so we can maintain the thrill. Whether we realize it or not, by getting ahead of God, we close ourselves off from hearing what God says about the relationship, especially if His way contradicts what we have already set our hearts on wanting out of the relationship. We want things to go our way and we don’t want to risk hearing a “no” so we replace the value of hearing the truth with the value of the emotional thrill. When this happens, Self and soul rise up and block out Spirit.
Addiction to the Emotional Highs Will Cost Losing the Relationship
The truth is, when a relationship is intended for a creative connection but not for romance and marriage, by making it romantic and permanent, we end up killing the precious essence and the goodness the relationship was intended to give us because we indulged it for Self at the cost of Spirit. We coveted the “goods” of the relationship to fill the holes in our hearts and laid our own hand to filling them instead of waiting for God’s divine answer. In every relationship that I have seen this connection misinterpreted and indulged in beyond its intended and/or moral scope, the relationship either suffered great loss or, more often than not, was completely lost.
Hold On to Your Heart Until God Says to “Go There”
If you are single and have experienced a “creative connection,” until God releases a clear and undeniable “yes” to both of you about furthering the relationship into anything romantic and “unto marriage or engagement,” diligently guard your heart and body from “going there.” Do not engage the relationship physically, sexually, or with sensual interactions and furthermore, don’t neglect your other relationships either. Due to the emotional pull of the creative connection, and in order to maintain solid boundaries, you will most likely need the support and input of people whom you trust and whom you know to be morally grounded in the love and truth of God’s Word. It is so important to stay connected in this way as you navigate the turbulent waters of your heart and learn where the holes in your heart are that, without support, may increase your vulnerability to crossing relationship lines.
Waiting is Part of the Process
Here is a list of things to do while you wait for God to release His “yes” or “no” to anything more:
1.) Don’t be afraid of the holes in your heart that become obvious during a creative connection. Jesus is the only answer for filling and healing these holes. Bring these areas of need directly to Him and ask Him to reveal His love to you in new ways that will heal your heart in these areas.
2.) Focus on the creative purposes that the connection is facilitating, i.e. the art, the idea generation, the warfare, the music, the exchange of gifting, the innovation, etc.
3.) Engage trusted authority figures in your life and submit the parameters of the relationship to these sources. Sources such as the Word of God [Bible], The Holy Spirit, the body of Christ, and Mentor/Pastor-types. Their wisdom will protect you long-term and help stabilize you from hurtful decisions fueled by soaring emotions.
4.) Until you have gained a solid witness to advancing your relationship to romantic permanency, stay indefinitely non-physical and non-sexual/sensual and focus on the product of your “creative connection.”
5.) And by all means, with clear boundaries in place, enjoy the great friendship and creative camaraderie. It is a gift.
Can Married or Engaged People Experience a Creative Connection with Someone Who is Not their Spouse or Fiancé?
If you have experienced a creative connection-type friendship and are married or engaged to someone else, it is vital to cultivate complete openness, honesty, and honor toward your Spouse or Fiancé. When creative connections are managed with integrity, your marriage or engagement relationship will actually feel enriched because most creative people are happiest when their creative center is active and fruitful.
If your marriage or engagement becomes threatened by the creative connection relationship, it is important to talk about this with your life partner and discover what feels threatening and deal with that until both people feel a peaceful resolve and secure in the relationship. When our life partner witnesses the depth of the relationship with someone else, they may understandably need assurances that you hold your marriage as sacred and will not let it be violated in any way by other relationships.
If your marriage suffers beyond consoling words and actions, do the work to sort it all out with trusted and objective sources—like a counselor or Pastor/Mentor-type. And if the person you are creatively connecting with objects to you getting this kind of help, this is a warning flag to you. A true friend would want you to feel confident and secure in all your close relationships—especially those of a romantic and covenanted nature.
If the creative connection relationship is pulling you away from your covenant relationship and the person you are connecting with does not honor and support the integrity and vitality of your marriage or engagement, then you are on dangerous ground. Without outside help, you may be tempted to misinterpret a creative connection relationship and use it to break faith with your covenant relationship. This is the beginning of a delusion that could lead to adultery and has very painful consequences. The consequences of breaking faith with the covenanted relationship of marriage or betrothal may not be felt at first, but they will come after the whirl and thrill of the emotional high subsides, which it will eventually do anywhere from 1 year to 7 years after the connection. When the consequences of breaking a covenant relationship finally do hit, they hit hard and often times create yet another hole in your heart that only God can heal—a hole of fear and mistrust. The holes in our heart, created by fear and mistrust, are only filled by Jesus whose “perfect love drives out fear.” (I John 4:18)
So What Do I Do With The Holes in My Heart?
When holes in our heart get exposed, and we feel tempted to look to a person to fill them, we are to instead turn to Jesus for help. We are to take that need or desire directly to Jesus and, in focused communion with Him, ask Him to heal our heart and fill the hole with His love and truth. We will need Him to correct any misperceptions we may have about His love—past and present. And we may need to keep asking Him for this healing and correction until our heart feels full. The holes in our heart are meant for Him to fill in the ways He knows best. The point is, we must wait on God and not get ahead of him with our own ideas and ways and make choices that end up creating even more painful holes in our heart. Instead of indulging in addictive feelings to fill the holes in our hearts, we are to turn to Jesus to heal them and restore us to the truth of our individual and unique identity in Him.
Commune with Your Bridegroom Jesus and Love the Lord your God with All Your Heart
One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self-control. With this fruit in action, we can balance the time we spend in all of your relationships and not neglect the most important one of them all, our Jesus-face-time. More than all the other relationships, we will benefit the most if we spend quality time with the Answer to all of your heart longings— Jesus. If we seek His beautiful face, soak in His words of love, and let Him talk to us as only He can, over time, He will faithfully minister to the wounds and fill the holes in our heart.
When we direct our painful yearnings and longings to Him and lay the responsibility to fulfill them on His doorstep, He will faithfully bring resolve to our heart and answers to our prayers. Spending quality time worshipping and hanging out with Jesus is always helpful in processing matters of the heart. Only Jesus knows how to fill the holes in our heart. But we must go to Him and ask Him to tend to our wounds and show us His way through to wholeness. See Isaiah 61:1/Luke 4:18-21.
Be a Great Life Partner and a Great Friend to Creatively Connect With
Drinking everyday from the well of our spiritual romance with Jesus, knowing who we are to Him, and who we are because of Him will make us a great life partner and a great friend to creatively connect with.
Biblical Examples of Creative Connections
2-sided connection: Jonathan and David: I Samuel 20 and 2 Samuel 1:26 “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.”
1-sided connection: Lydia for Paul: Acts 16:14-15, “One of those listening was a woman from the city of Thyatira named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth. She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul’s message. When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. “If you consider me a believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my house.” And she persuaded us. Acts 16:40, After Paul and Silas came out of the prison, they went to Lydia’s house, where they met with the brothers and sisters and encouraged them. Then they left.”
2-sided connection: Ruth and Naomi: Ruth 1:16-17, “But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
2-sided connection: Elijah and Elisha: 2 Kings 1:1-11. Vs. 4, “Then Elijah said to him, ‘Stay here, Elisha; the Lord has sent me to Jericho.’ And he replied, ‘As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.’ So they went to Jericho.”
2-sided connections: Jesus and His Disciples: John 17 and John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Note: Although there are not any opposite-gender relationships noted in the above scriptures, it is this writer’s belief and understanding that same-gender or opposite-gender creative connections/friendships are both very fruitful and a gift to be celebrated.
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe.
It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.