On Relationships: CREATIVE CONNECTIONS – What They Are and What They Are Not
By Janet L. Smith - Copyright 2008 – www.gardenministries.org
What is a Creative Connection?
A relationship that experiences a “creative connection” is when two or more people connect and experience a deep soul link that feels explosive. And I mean joyfully explosive. The relationship experiences such cohesion that sometimes you might even feel like “you’re in each other’s head.” Without words, you “just get” each other in ways that transcend what you’re used to. Furthermore, the emotional connection makes you feel “so alive” that the powerful feelings compel you to explore and discover the creative depths and heights beyond what you might normally feel compelled to discover with other relationships. Because of the emotional “high” some people feel when a creative connection occurs, to protect the integrity of this relationship and our other relationships, it is important to understand what a creative connection is and what it is not.
What is the Purpose of a Creative Connection?
The purpose of a creative connection is usually for a specific time and often results in a more profound creative product or spiritual success than if done alone, for example: actors often experience this when doing a movie together, artist’s often experience this when creating art together, and the same for musicians and writers. You may have even heard the term, “my work spouse.” In ministry circles, pastors, worship leaders, and intercessory prayer people often encounter or experience this. The feelings are deep because the people connecting run “deep.” If the relationship is kept non-romantic, non-physical, and non-sexual by maintaining a “wild” and “clean” balance, this relationship can be a highly productive with tremendous payoff for both, or all people involved.
How Do We Maintain a Wild and Clean Balance When It Feels So Compelling?
When a creative connection comes our way, it often reveals where there are “holes” in our hearts that God needs to fill. And because the emotions evoked by this relationship run so deep, we may be tempted to misinterpret the powerful experience as being the answer to the hole in our hearts and is a “love that leads to marriage or intimate permanency of some kind.” Because it feels so good (and we all like feeling good), we are tempted to “get ahead of God” and go too fast in an attempt to capture and over-define the relationship too soon.
How Do We “Get Ahead of God” and Miss the Mark?
When we “get ahead of God,” we become unable to hear what God is saying about the relationship. Because we are created to enjoy excitement and to be fascinated with God, we may transfer this need to the relationship and get emotionally addicted to the thrill of the connection. Because of this emotional addiction, we close ourselves off from anything that may stop it and we only want God to approve and say what we want to hear about the relationship so we can maintain the thrill. Whether we realize it or not, by getting ahead of God, we close ourselves off from hearing what God says about the relationship, especially if it His way contradicts what we have set our hearts on getting our way. “Our way” meaning that we don’t want to risk hearing a “no” so we do everything we can to avoid hearing what we don’t want to hear. Self and soul rise up and block out Spirit.
Addiction to the Emotional Highs Will Cost the Relationship
The truth is, when a relationship is intended for a creative connection but not for romance and marriage, by making it romantic and permanent, we end up killing the precious essence and the goodness the relationship was intended to give us because we indulged it for Self at the cost of Spirit. We coveted the “goods” of the relationship to fill the holes in our hearts and laid our own hand to filling them instead of waiting for God’s divine answer. In every relationship that I have seen this connection misinterpreted and indulged in beyond its intended and/or moral scope, the relationship either suffered great loss or, more often than not, was completely lost.
Hold On to Your Heart Until God Says to “Go There”
If you have experienced a “creative connection,” and until God releases a clear and undeniable “yes” to anything romantic and “unto marriage or engagement,” guard your heart and body from going there. Do not engage the relationship physically, sexually, or with sensual interactions and don’t neglect your other relationships. Due to the emotional pull of the connection, and in order to maintain solid boundaries, you will most likely need the support and input of people whom you trust and whom you know to be morally grounded in the love and truth of God’s Word. It is so important to stay connected in this way as you navigate the turbulent waters of your heart and learn where the holes in your heart are that increase your vulnerability to crossing relationship lines.
Waiting is Part of the Process
Here is a list of things to do while you wait for God to release His “yes” or “no” to anything more:
- Focus on the creative purposes that the connection occurred for, i.e. the art, the idea generation, the warfare, the music, etc.
- Engage trusted authority figures in your life and submit the parameters of the relationship to these sources. Sources such as the Word of God [Bible], The Holy Spirit, the body of Christ, and Mentor/Pastor-types. Their wisdom will protect you long-term and help stabilize you from hurtful decisions fueled by soaring emotions.
- Until you have gained a solid witness to advancing your relationship to romantic permanency, stay non-physical and non-sexual/sensual indefinitely and focus on the product that your “creative connection” has been purposed for.
- And by all means, with clear boundaries in place, enjoy the great friendship and creative camaraderie. It is a gift.
What if I’m Married or Engaged and I Experience a Creative Connection With Someone Else?
If you have experienced a creative connection-type friendship are married or engaged to someone else, the creatively-connecting friendship will thrive if the integrity of your marriage or engagement remains uncompromised. When creative connections are managed well, your marriage or engagement relationship will be enriched because most creative people are happiest when their center is active and fruitful. If your marriage or engagement becomes threatened by the creative connection, it is important to talk about this with your life partner and discover what has created the threat and to deal with that immediately through prayer and counsel. When our life partner witnesses the depth of the relationship with someone else, they may understandably need assurances that you hold your marriage as sacred and will not let it be violated by other relationships. If your marriage suffers beyond consoling words and actions, do the work to sort it all out with trusted and objective sources—like a counselor or Pastor/Mentor-type. And if the person you are creatively connecting with objects to you getting this kind of help, this is a warning flag to you. A true friend would want you to feel confident and secure in all your close relationships—especially those of a romantic and covenanted nature.
If the creative connection relationship is pulling you away from your covenant relationship and the person you are connecting with does not honor and support the integrity and vitality of your marriage or engagement, then you are on dangerous ground. Without outside help, you may be tempted to misinterpret a creative connection relationship and use it to break faith with your covenant relationship. This is the beginning of a delusion that could lead to adultery and has very painful consequences when trespassed upon. The consequences come after the whirl of the emotion subsides, a whirl which may last anywhere from 1 year to 7 years. When the consequences of breaking a covenant relationship finally do hit, they hit hard and often times create yet another hole in your heart that only God can heal. A hole of fear and mistrust. And the holes in our heart, created by fear and mistrust, are only filled by Jesus whose “perfect love drives out fear.” (I John 4:18)
So What Do I Do With The Holes in My Heart?
When holes in our heart get exposed, and we feel tempted to look to a person to fill them, we are to turn to Jesus instead. Take that need or desire directly to Jesus and in focused communion with Him, ask Him to heal your heart and fill the hole with His love. Ask Him to correct misperceptions you may have about His love for you. Keep asking Him until you get the answers too. Keep going to Him in intimate communion and spend time worshipping and adoring Him as you ask Him to heal you. The holes in our heart are meant for Him to fill in the ways He knows best. He may be calling a person to come alongside of you to bring this and He may use other means. The point is, we must wait on God and not get ahead of him with our own ideas and ways. You may be in the season of strengthening your walk with Jesus as the intimate Lord and King of your life and still need to grow deep roots in your individual and unique identity in Him.
Commune with Your Bridegroom—Jesus and Love the Lord your God with All Your Heart
Balance the time you spend in all of your relationships and don’t neglect your Jesus-face-time.
More than ever, spend quality time with the Answer to all of your heart longings—Jesus. Seek His beautiful face and soak in His words of love for you. Let Him talk to you as only He can. Let Him minister to the wounds and fill the holes in your heart. Direct your painful yearnings and longings to Him and lay the responsibility to fulfill them on His doorstep. Quality time worshipping and hanging out with Jesus is always helpful in processing matters of the heart. Only Jesus knows how to fill the holes in our heart. But we must go to Him and ask Him to tend to our wounds and show us His way through to wholeness. See Isaiah 61:1/Luke 4:18-21.
Be a Great Life Partner and a Great Friend to Creatively Connect With
By drinking everyday from the well of our spiritual romance with Jesus, knowing who we are to Him and who we are because of Him will make us great life partner’s and great friends to creatively connect with.
———————————————————————————————————–
On Relationships: CREATIVE CONNECTIONS – What They Are and What They Are Not
By Janet L. Smith - Copyright 2008 – www.gardenministries.org